But don't say I didn't warn you.
Forgive me masses, for it's been a long time since my last post (again). It's the Shame Cycle (thank you for the terminology James) - when you avoid something for so long, you don't know how to approach it, so you ignore it (as described in one of my most recent posts). But I've decided to come back today, and I've chosen the moment in which I realize that I have to pee, perhaps to ensure that this I won't let this post drag on and on, because once I start, I know I won't let myself get up until it's done.
I think I'm not a True Blogger, since I don't feel compelled to write on a regular basis, but once I get going, I actually kinda like it. But I can never remember that. It's been so long, in fact, that I can't remember if I use capital I's or lower case i's. Since I hate pressing the SHIFT button cause it really slows me down, we're going back to i's and no capitals at the beginning of sentences. i'm relieved to know that my Bubbie isn't reading this blog, or i'd be doomed.
so what's up in life right now? i'm still server manager at Mike's Place, the all-american/tourist bar/restaurant with a few Israeli customer's who come by and berate me for not being fluent in Hebrew, then ask for my number. sometimes i hate the job and sometimes i have fun. it's really not my kind of work, nor is it my chosen social scene, but i've made some good friends there. actually, i think 99% of my friends here were made at the bar. this includes staff and customers (the rare, noncreepy ones). one of these customers is a musician who played at the bar, and could be my Ryan #2. (don't worry Ry - no one will ever replace you.) we will probably play an Open Mic night together sometime soon, but i can't get too excited, cause he's moving back to the states really soon. (it's a sign that no can ever replace Ryan.)
i've been doing some more couchsurf hosting recently, and met some very cool and some very strange people, both of which are to be expected. i'm looking forward to hosting a russian lady my age who's coming to jerusalem for a midwifery workshop. obviously makes me think of and miss Julia. hi Julia!!
some of you will know that i've been working on a lengthy document (called an music therapist accreditation file) exploring my clinical work with kids with eating disorders at Sick Kids. i finally finished it. i was excited to sleep in the next day for the first time in several weeks - instead, i woke early and proceeded to feel anxious and purposeless. i got over that quickly and have resumed being annoyed that i can't sleep in due to the incessant screaming from the neighbours. my impression is that most accreditation files turn out to be in the 20-30 page range. mine was 125 pages. i'm worried they (the review board - those judging my worth as a music therapist) will ask me to shorten it. but honestly, if i take out any detail, i will lose all the good stuff and the exercise will have been futile, since it won't communicate the essence of the progress i saw in the kids. "it took me years to write it, they were the best years of my life. it was a beautiful song, but it ran too long - if you wanna make a hit, you gotta make it quick, so they cut it down to 3:05." i hear ya, Billy Joel. we'll see how it turns out. i need to wait something like 5 months before i hear anything back from the review board, at which point i do my final task - respond to an ethical dilemma. i'll get an email outlining a sticky situation that provokes heavy consideration of music therapy ethics, and i will write a blurb explaining how i would respond to this situation. i feel confident about it, and i'm excited to see what it will be.
in short news:
1) i went to a great swing dance class, and i hope i keep going. it's in hebrew so my brain has to work very hard to follow, but it's fun and the old, sweaty, smiling men remind me of contra dancing in toronto. i love it.
2) i want to start volunteering at 'crossroads', a support/rec centre for the anglo street/at-risk youth of Jerusalem. they want a social worker, and i can do the list of tasks they require, but i need a degree. it's frustrating, cause it would be great to leave the bar and do something like this. alas, alack.
3) i'm thinking of starting a branch of Food Not Bombs. it makes me nervous. large task, with heavy political connotation. more than other cities, i think. not sure how i will handle the steady questioning of my politics. canada is so much EASIER.
on that note... i've been having many thoughts and experiences in and around the famous conflict, and it's so tiring. too tiring to even touch on in this post, because the scope is so wide, so complex, that my brain is starting to hurt just considering it. perhaps i will explore my thoughts slowly, in other posts, as they arise.
i think i'll be uploading a bunch more photos on facebook, so watch out for those if you like.
days are warmer, nights are still chilly, and the desert summer drought is soon to be upon us. i miss summer rains. the up-side is that we can finally use our saved sink water to quench the thirst of our coffee-can garden. when it rains during the winter, it's harder to find uses for gray water. ideas, eco-kids?
love.
e verrry slowwwwww Coffee Table Project, which is painting a Shel Silverstein poem on the table in a piecemeal manner via contributions from friends and dinner guests in their own chosen style.
